Kevin Isaacson's Journal
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| Thursday, May 16th, 2002 | | 11:46 pm |
Chapter 8: Year One, in Retrospect
Ah, yes. Year one. The woman of Chris and I's dreams was Jenna. We met her while staying at the Sun Lakes Resort. The resort has a heated pool and that's where we spent much of our time. Luckily for us, this is where Jenna also spent much of her time. Jenna was fabulous in all aspects but one. She had a younger sister. With Chris and I at the tender age of 14 had a hard enough time hitting on girls let alone trying to hit on girls who had loudmouthed younger sisters. The highlight of Year One was close to the end of the week when Jenna told Chris and I to meet her at her campsite after midnight and we were to walk around the park. Chris and I dutifully sat in front of the bathrooms waiting for the magic hour to hit. Once it did we proceeded to her campsite. We were suave, we were cool, we whispered at her tent, "Hey Jenna!" Kill me now. Not a sound came out. We threw pebbles at the tent and minutes passed. Not a sound. By now it was 12:30 and we were getting antsy. We gathered our testicles and creeped up to the tent. It was slow going and nerve racking. Then we got the genius idea to open the tent. It was empty. We left. Dejected. We found later that due to wind she stayed with her parents in the camper. Figures. | | Sunday, February 3rd, 2002 | | 4:06 am |
Chapter Seven: The fragile morning light
The four of us had fallen asleep and dreamt of large breasts. We awoke in the morning around 7 am. It's impossible to sleep any later than this while at Sun Lakes. The morning sun pouring through the top of the tent shone through our eyelids to let us know of the arrival of our second day at the park. It was a glorious day to be alive. We got up and began making breakfast. Eggs for me and granola and soy milk for the others. Ben began fixing up a pot of coffee. She(HER!!!) came walking down the road past our site with a towel. Presumably on her way to the showers. Holy shit. What the hell am I to do? "What the hell do I do?" I asked. "I'll figure it out," Chris said. "Don't do anything stupid." "Hey," he yelled in her direction. "You want a cup of coffee?" My heart leapt up into my throat. "You guys have coffee?" she asked us. The three of them sat silently waiting for me to answer her. This seemed to last forever but hopefully it only lasted a few moments. "Yes, we have coffee," I finally replied. "I'd love a cup." "Uh...actually my friend here must not have realized when he asked you that we only have four cups." "Oh, no big deal. Thanks anyways." Shit, she's leaving. "No, wait, you can use mine. I didn't want any anyways." "Hey, thanks." Conveniently enough Ben, Brad, and Chris all decided to hit the showers. I love those guys. She sat, drank coffee at a splintery old picnic table, and told me her name was Phoebe. | | Saturday, February 2nd, 2002 | | 1:21 am |
Chapter Six: Four young men and one large breast
The night came quickly as it usually does. Our fire had burnt out and the midnight hour was long past. Winds coming through the canyon were becoming unbearable, with our legs being blasted by dust and debris being kicked up. All four of us climbed into my forty year old lime green tent to sleep the night away. Once inside it became apparent we wouldn't sleep for some time. The poles of my tent were failing us and as we four lay side by side in the tent, the wall was being pushed into our faces by the hateful wind. As we discussed events of the day I reached my hand up to the tent just a foot away from my body. "Hey, this feels like a giant boob." I said innocently enough. "Lemme see," Brad said. He reached his hand up and came to the same conclusion. We then all took turns feeling the boob the tent and wind had conspired to provide us. "It's like a boob made out of tent," Chris said. To which I replied, "it's a boob of tent." "You mean like duke of earl?" asked Brad. At this point things went quiet and Ben began singing in a low voice the "Boob of tent" to the tune of "Duke of Earl." We sang for a while, sometimes singing the backing vocals and occasionally making up a solo. Eventually we fell asleep. Tomorrow was a big day. Our first full day at the park. Tomorrow was also the day that I had determined to speak to the goddess. Whoever she was. | | Wednesday, January 30th, 2002 | | 8:52 pm |
Chapter 5: Loungefest '99
We had arrived at the park late in the morning, about 11 o'clock. After setting up camp, registering, showing the boys around, and a quick game of putt-putt(64 by the way, not a bad start) the sun was hot on our backs. It was quickly becoming intolerable and that's when Chris made an executive decision. "Everybody into the lake." We didn't have to be asked twice. We headed to camp, did a quick change into our trunks, and headed for the lake. When we hit the road instead of turning right to go to the resort side, we turned left, towards the lonely road heading around the back side of the lake. A little ways down this road is an expansive beach with plenty of grass, shade, a public restroom/changing room, another boat launch, and women, glorious women. This is the place that they all congregate because it is the most spread out. Even though the square footage of this beach is larger than the others, the BPSF, or Bootie Per Square Foot for the uninitiated, is astronomically higher. This is also the place my parents typically launch their two SeaDoo wet bikes and lounge the days away. This year, this is the place that we drop a towel and a stereo, and sleep the days away. After a quick dip in the lake we realized that being fried by the hot sun is a lot better than being frozen by the frigid waters and so headed to camp for some food. Walking back to camp I spotted the beauty that I had seen earlier walk right past our campsite. I urged the others to hurry but they were no mood to run in this weather. She was alone this time and surely I would have been prepared to speak to her had I been in close proximity, but alas, my friends would have none of it. It's very convenient to blame your own shortcomings on others inaction. You should try it. | | Tuesday, January 29th, 2002 | | 10:00 pm |
Chapter Four: How to survive without really trying
Our survival for ten days in the middle of July was assured because we, the future of America, were ready for any contingency. Our provisions were as follows: One case bottled water, frozen One case bottled water, chilled(to be stored in the same cooler as frozen) One package rice cheese, chilled(Ben, Brad, and Chris are vegans.) One package foot long veggie dogs, six count One package chili-dog flavored veggie dogs, eight count One large package double stuff oreo brand sandwich cookies, surprisingly vegan Peanut butter and jelly fixings One economy cut steak, purchased and to be consumed by me One package German style sausage, five count(for me) One package veggie slices, vegan cold cuts One package veggie ground round, vegan ground beef substitute, for spaghetti Various fruits and vegetables, picked up at a produce stand and finally One two pound bag of pistachio nuts, in shell We were ready for anything. | | 9:55 pm |
Chapter 3: Enter Antagonista
Little did we know but at the same time we were showing Ben and Brad around, four other people were beginning a trip of their own. First there was Nicole, a pretty-ish girl of 18 who was friend to--Secondly, Josh. Brad's cousin that he sees three or four times a year. He was joined by--Thirdly and finally, two of josh's high-school friends, football players all, Rod and Todd. Go figure that! They too were on a Mission to shirk their childhoods and enter adulthood through this trip. It's a common enough ailment. We couldn't have known then that we'd cross paths with them in so many ways or times. Or the disastrous consequences. | | 9:50 pm |
Chapter 2: I failed geography
The roads going through the park are just cement on dirt, not real, honest to God roads. Chris and I headed back to camp to get Ben and Brad and show them around. Upon exiting the park we hit real road, yellow lines and all. Directly across the street there was a little beach with some trees overlooking a little inlet from the lake. There are buoys to cordon off a swimming area but the water is too stagnant and the bugs too thick for our taste. The one redeeming quality of this quaint little spot is that it has the mother of all fire pits. It's about ten feet in diameter and surrounded by large, flat rocks. Most righteous indeed. From the fire pit across the street from the state park we take a path that follows the lake in close proximity, following in a counter-clockwise direction. This path is also right off the side of the road. At about where this path begins at the stagnant waters the road splits. One side to the left and following the lake, and the other forking to the right and up to head back up to the highway and consequently, the real world. Moving along this path for a bit until it kicks us up to the road. Walking on the road brings us to the center of the Sun Lakes Universe. To the right lies the girt shop, selling everything imaginable with the words "Sun Lakes" emblazoned upon it. Mmm... They also sell handmade fudge by the pound. This is also the place to register if you're staying at the resort. We'll get to that later. The road here curves off to the right and to the left there is a turnaround/parking lot/boat launch. Up to three boats can launch simultaneously and there is a dock to tie them off to. Between the boat launch and the road there is a tiny building. In the fork of the road as it were. The side of the building facing the fork is actually an old camper remodeled into a short order grease stand. Serving breakfast sandwiches to hamburgers and all their permutations. Facing the boat launch is a more standard brick and mortar building selling all your grocery needs and fishing tackle at twice retail. Oh, and candy, lots of candy. Now the state park we stay at has a few RV spots, with electrical, water, and sewer hook-ups. But to follow the fork past the gift shop leads to the "Sun Lakes Resort." It has a swimming pool, cabins, a few mobile homes, and RV hook-ups at every spot. All this and more for way too much money. Also on this side of the park is Chris and my own secret vice, putt-putt golf. While Chris always wins with the ladies, I always win at the miniature golf. And usually with a fairly high margin. This year it is my intention to shoot under par. My goal, 56. At two bucks a game it's worse than Vegas. It's an addiction. Now? Now I find out where that angel is camped. | | Monday, January 28th, 2002 | | 9:57 pm |
Chapter 1: The beginning of the beginning(con't[con't])
Hours after arriving Ben and Brad are still setting up base camp. Chris and I decide to go for a walk and scope out the park. We walk up and down the rows just talking and trying to see if we can get a glimpse of the summer catch. While walking we discuss many things. The past years here. Remembering girls and events. Somehow the conversation turns to piss-fights. We only know of these thanks to Adam Carolla. Sitting in a car and putting your thumb over your penis at just the right angle to spray the guy behind you with hot urine. Rushing into a bathroom and pissing on your friend sitting on the can. While discussing this two girls walk by on the other side of the road. I lower my voice so as not to be heard but Chris will have none of it. He loudly states "why would you want to have a piss-fight, Kevin?" as we pass directly by them. I am laughing. We take another twenty steps and I turn around to sneak a peek at the two ladies. At that exact same moment one of the girls does the same and we both stop walking while our counterparts continue for a couple steps. We both simultaneously turn around after a few beats and I catch up to Chris knowing that I have just seen the face of God. And I hope she's camped near us. | | Sunday, January 27th, 2002 | | 10:47 pm |
Chapter 1: The beginning of the beginning(con't)
So I now sit, day one of the trip. It's a Friday and the state park is filling up fast. You see, Sun Lakes isn't your normal camping situation. Rather than woods there are trees. Believe me, there's a difference. It's a space of a few acres split and divided by a road meandering it's way through. The parts that aren't road are effectively split up with numbered markers and these are the camp sites. Each includes: one picnic table, old and splintery; one fire pit, a cement hole in the ground with a metal grate on top; and if there are any left, a tree or two. Sun Lakes is smack dab in the middle of one of the largest remnants of the ice ages. After all the ice began to melt it carried with it literally tons of debris and glaciers and tore a huge gaping wound across most of eastern Washington and western Idaho. Even today what occurred millions of years ago was the largest waterfall in the history of North America. And now it is desert. Speckled with lakes and reservoirs. It is an hour's drive to the Grand Coulee Dam and it's surrounding towns with names like, Coulee City, Grand Coulee, and Electric City. All very modern sounding but all very still stuck in the Seventies. We would return to these locations soon enough for the Laser Light show held every night in the summer at the Dam. For now we were unpacking and setting up shop at our spot. Number 64. Right across from the ranger station. Right in front of the entrance. Prime spot for lady watching. And lucky us, not a tree in sight. It was going to be a hot ten days. | | Saturday, January 26th, 2002 | | 5:41 pm |
Chapter One: The beginning of the beginning
The drive seemed shorter than normal this year. this is the first year that we drove alone. typically it was Chris and I with my parents making the three hour trek across mountain and dune but this year was different. Three of us are adults now, thrust into the great big world just weeks before in a graduation ceremony. That is, Chris, Ben, and myself, Kevin. The fourth, Brad, was just a year behind and came from the same school as Ben and myself. Chris graduated from a different school altogether. The one I would have had I not been expelled in the eleventh grade.(They let me back in but I moved on to greener pastures.) So there we were. I was driving one car, with Ben riding shotgun. While Chris drove the other, accompanied by Brad. Chris had just met my two friends from my new school and so we were rotating who drives with who in a crash course introduction. Things were going swimmingly. This is the first time an outsider had been invited on Chris and mine's holy camping trip. We traveled this way five times in as many years and were quite fond of our partnership thusly. For he and I it was always the same though. Get to Sun Lakes, find the most attractive girl there, and compete to the death to get her attention. Chris had won 5 years running with only one squeaker, year two. That was the year of the now infamous "any old excuse debacle" as it is now known. In the end though Chris was still the decided victor. After five years it's hard to come up with the same unhealthy optimism that shone on year three, or even four. I knew this year would be different if for no other reason that there were four of us now. And we were no longer under the watchful eye of my parents. They were still there, of course. But they were at least a mile away and completely unaware of the doings of a certain quartet of devious men. | | 5:25 pm |
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